From Lionel:
Both my wife and I enjoy walking, and if we are out for any length of time that may well require a pee-break. But walking too can result in some unintended sightings.
The first again is from my teens, this time when about 13. I had had a great mate at primary school but whose parents had moved away. We still kept in contact and most holidays I visited him or he me. On this occasion I was with him and his mother had decided we all (the two of us and her) needed a healthy walk (Oh, that you could do that with 13 year olds today!).
She chose to take us to the local canal for a hike of a few miles to the local main town where we would get a bus back. The route was all by the side of the canal, easy walking but with hedges or fences marking off the tow path from fields or woods and generally preventing access except at designated points. We had gone a fair way and passed a stretch were there had been other walkers but now we were alone. Quite out of the blue my friend’s mother asked if we “would look the other way for a moment”, which as good 13 year old we did. But after a short period there was a loud noise, like a shot, which made me turn round really as a reflex (honest) There just a few feet from us was my friend’s mother, squatting on the tow path more or less sideways to us, skirt pulled up, drawers (I think they warranted that description – I can still call they were apricot coloured) pulled down almost to her ankles and peeing quite a stream on to the verge. She had not seen me (or at least gave that impression) and I quickly turned back. In a few moments more she made a comment like “That’s better”, and joined us.
Again on reflection I am surprised she took so little attempt to be discrete about her pee. I am sure she could have moved further away and used some of the bushes and shrubs around the tow path boundary for a bit more cover. What if another walker had appeared? I would imagine that she had wanted to go rather earlier, but with all the other walkers had felt unable to, and was quite desperate by the time we were alone so just went for it.
A few years ago my wife and I were on holiday in Austria, in the summer but staying at a ski resort (there is logic in that if you like walking in the mountains the infrastructure is there to get you up at the start so you can spend more time up there). However on this occasion we had decided to walk up anyway as it was a reasonable path. We had got as far as the snow line where there was a bar / inn on the way. It was not open though (I think we had been warned about this) and not a problem for us. However as we got close a walking party appeared from another path, a dozen or so people, both male and female and all what you might term middle-aged (like us really). From the conversation German speaking though and clearly they had expected the bar to be open. There was much rattling of doors and knocking, etc. Our path was took as to one side and the back of the inn, this group were at the front. Suddenly one woman in the group strode away from the main party round the side and into a small garden at the back. This has a low wall round it and a few scraggly bushes but not much else and it was snow covered. She looked briefly round, must have seen us but despite that went alongside the largest (not saying much) bush, undid her trousers, pulled them down and squatted then and there. She must I think have called something to the group as almost immediately three or four other ladies of the party came round to join here and proceeded to disrobe and squat in other parts of the garden. All this as my wife and I were walking towards them. Because of the wall and the bit of cover it was not really possible to see any pee streams, at least not without leaving the path and running up to the wall, which I felt would probably test my wife’s tolerance, not to mention that of the group itself. So I was merely observing from an angle at a short distance. The amusing part was that quite reasonably all were appropriately dresses for a hike in the snow. So actually getting trousers down and balancing in all that clothing was a bit of an issue for a couple of them, nearly falling over in the process.
As in other incidents one wonders what were the though processes. Clearly the group were intending a pee-break at the bar and several of the ladies had been holding on for that (no man relieved himself) so one might guess they had walked a reasonable way and the men had peed as needed on route, perhaps a few ladies also. One lady probably in desperation took an initiative to find somewhere out of sight of the rest of the group, if not me. But she must have seen my wife and I and there were no other walkers about. If she had waited a minute or so we would have been beyond the garden and would not have seen anything unless we had looked back. Was she that desperate, or did not care, or assumed that we would avert our eyes or something? Actually my experience of Germans is that they tend to be a little more practical (i.e. less inhibited) about peeing if they need to so perhaps that relates too.