The world famous Glastonbury pop festival may not take place in 2012 as a result of a potential toilet shortage….
News that the Glastonbury festival will not be held in 2012 owing to an insurmountable pre-Olympic shortage of police officers and (more crucially) portable lavatories has been met with incredulity by festival-goers. But at Portable Sanitation Europe, the UK trade association for all involved in the portable toilet business, they’re not surprised at all.
“The Olympic organising committee is talking around 14,000 units,” says Peter Lewis, a director of the 80-member body, who runs a hire company called Adeloo in Eltham, south London. “That’s more than the biggest British company could supply. More than the actual units, though, we’re worried about what’ll be in them. The toilets will need emptying, and as far as I know the committee hasn’t quite thought that one through.”
June, July and August are already the busiest time of the year for Britain’s estimated 350-400 portable toilet hire companies, Lewis says. “You’ve got your national sporting classics, your festivals – Glastonbury alone takes 650-700 units – and of course myriad little local events – fetes and gymkhanas and sports days and weddings. Add the Olympics into the mix and it’s not what you might call, pardon the expression, a bog-standard summer.”
Portable toilets arrived in Europe with the US army in the 1950s, Lewis says: “They watched us all digging latrines over in postwar Germany, and they thought, we’ve got something a lot better than that.” Although there is one successful British manufacturer, the vast majority of facilities – which generally come complete with waste tank containing disinfectant and deodoriser, toilet, lockable door and, increasingly, foot-operated washbasin – still come from the US.
A basic loo, in low season, might set you back £25 a week. More upmarket models may be in the form of large portable buildings, each holding several porcelain toilets. Depending on the degree of luxury desired, the interiors may be heated, wallpapered, even decorated with appropriate artwork. Some may even pipe Handel’s Water Music through loudspeakers. All the toilets are drained, cleaned, disinfected and deodorised after use, with the contents carried in a tank to the nearest sewage pumping station.
In an industry with its share of cowboys, Lewis says the PSE is raising standards by bestowing quality awards on deserving operators. And while a consortium of UK providers should certainly be up to the Olympic job, back-up could always be sought from the world’s largest supplier – ADCO of Germany, proud owners of a barely imaginable 300,000 brand toilets.
Desperate measures
Who needs loos anyway? Here’s how to cope without:
- Don’t eat or drink anything. It will make your weekend cheaper and cut down the chances of catching E coli.
- Swallow several boxes of Imodium. Just be prepared for all hell to break loose when you get home.
- Relieve yourself on to a hay bale. Apparently it’s a greenish substitute for a lavatory . . . and it can’t be any worse than what’s usually provided.
- Relieve yourself anywhere. Let’s face it, everyone else seems to.